Toady's Ribet Log

Twice Weekly Toon - Free to Your Site

2007-03-02T08:28:00.000-08:00

Would you like a cartoon on your site? One that changed constantly and gave viewers a chuckle?

This one can be had by going to Free Site Cartoon.

Fast Car Passes Gas Stations -NOT

2007-01-24T07:37:00.000-08:00

'Toon shows me with a new car which isn't happy that it can pass everything on the road except the gas stations.

That's not quite how it happened...
Twinkles was talking to some big-buck manager one day. The bird had just purchased a new hot rod which was absolutely the type of car young boys dream of having. It was everything. Fast and sleek and hot. They went out to the reserved parking place and the manager commented that it would pass everything on the road.

The punch line came when Twinkles told me about passing everything on the road. I said: "I bet it doesn't pass the gas stations." Everyone thought that was a funny one for our high rolling management friend. When it was repeated to him he didn't even crack a smile. He said it hit close to home.

Fast Car Passes (no) Gas * May not still be in the archives.

Circular File Method Of Management

2007-01-24T07:26:00.000-08:00

This 'toon shows our me, Toady, seated in front of a big seagull who is at his desk with some stacks of paper in front of him. It seems that Toady had given him a project which the bird can't find. Toady knows the guy threw it away because he uses the "circular file" method.

This is based on stark bureau-crazy reality. The bird is a VP and one of the better ones I ever associated with. People used to get so frustrated because they would track things to him but he would not have them and not recall them. What we figured out is that he put everything in one of three stacks on his desk. Each day the stacks moved to the left and the oldest went straight into the garbage. If no one came by to follow-up on a given piece of paper it simply disappeared. Anything routed for a series of signitures was particularly vulnerable. Of course, he just gave you the dumb/lost look if you asked him about something.

Kind of makes you want to scream!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Circular File Method * This toon may not be found in the archives.

Too Tense? It could be worse...

2007-01-15T08:19:00.000-08:00

It was Ms. Liz who one day uttered: "I'm just too tense today."

I popped over the cube wall: "Are you going to be 3 wigwams tomorrow?"

In case you still don't get it, tense/tents are like tepees. Technically there are major differences and I must beg license from my distant Native American ancestors for comparing the two, but it made a great joke.

Liz was able to laugh and loosen up. Slider didn't get it until someone explained it to him and he was so disgusted he took an extra smoking break. (Sent some smoke signals I suppose.)

Two Tents Today It may not appear in the archives.

BRAINS? Scrambled, Fried, or Just MIA

2007-01-15T07:52:00.000-08:00

You never know. Is it one of those days when you just can't put two good thoughts together ( like trying to write something that makes sense right now!) Or is your brain really fired up and in full scale production of what might be good thoughts, only to find out you were on the wrong track.

Life is tough when you're a toad!

Brain Scramble Not in archives...

Customers Play Ring Around The Rosie

2006-05-22T08:52:00.000-07:00

Back to the Customer Abuse Zone. We take such good care of our customers and they act like they own us, which they do. But sometimes they really get on my nerves.

In this case they were sending back perfectly good product. Someone in their Quality Assurance (fancy name for reject heaven) department was trying to get noticed by increasing his rejection rates. They were also having some problems at their test sites with false failures so they just sent all our parts back.

Twinkles came in with a few of these good parts and says: "What kind of games are they playing at the customer?"

"Same as always," I told him.
Poor Twink raises his eyebrows; "You know about this?"
"Sure," I said, "It's Ring Around The Rosie. Only our little angels call it Ring Around The Returns."

Everyone withing earshot died laughing.

Check it out in the Customer Abuse Zone

Team Building Captain Is An Anchor

2006-05-22T08:28:00.000-07:00

It was a long time ago, I had a boss whose was a real low flying type who liked the glory but not the work. He went for all the flashy things and there was a new team building exercise on a boat so he signed us all up.

Well, he followed the script and had us do all the dumb things to get us mingling and concentating. He was a real "prig in the gig" so we got kind of sick of him strutting around giving orders.

Of course, when the going got tough we pushed him out of the way and met our goals and had a great time of it. The memorable line was when we were just finishing up and the boss was not around. There were several seagull comments about his style and then we came to the part where we had to drop the anchor and finish. We had built some good rapport with each other and were feeling pretty good about the team. Someone said, "Instead of the anchor, lets drop our captain."

Then Twinkles added: "Yeah, he's more like an anchor anyway."

After that we added anchor jokes to our seagull jokes.

See the toon at Team Building Cartoon

Toad Cartoon

2006-05-08T09:36:00.000-07:00

I should probably just appologize for ever putting this one in. It is an original joke, kind of a premutation on the old: "what's black and white and red all over..." joke.

Told in the right sequence of elephant jokes this can be funny too. I hop you think it is. It's a clean joke, anyway. Not the kind a manager would tell at lunch.

Toad's Green And White & Hops Cartoon

Layoff or Lay Off, It Never Makes Sense

2006-05-08T09:22:00.000-07:00

Management says it makes cents. Having been through many layoffs, it seemed that in 3 or 4 months we were out looking for more people. I know, cause I was in recruiting and they pulled all openings at a layoff announcement, then didn't fill them but laid off a few people, then we started looking again real soon.

Ugh, lets not get stuck on the negatives. I recall a woman from AT&T did a paper in grad school about how not to do a layoff. She was kept on and if she is still there is now part of SBC AT&T and probably worried about it again.

The first cartoon at Layoff Cartoons is about management not getting laid off. It seems like it was not usually management that got hit, just the workers. And they lost so much productivity worrying about the layoff, then they could justify hiring more managers. Obviously they needed more leadership so they wouldn't have to do another layoff.

With over 1000 VP's making a minimum of 1/4 mil per year, you wonder why they don't start at the top!!!!!!

Then there was once they announced a cut-back in management only. Everyone thought that was an amazingly great idea. It was. It made us very happy. Of course, they only dumped a couple of people whou couldnt manager their way out a paper sack, and then they replaced them later. It was just fluff.

This could go on forever. But not on this blog...

Mother's Day Cartoon

2006-05-08T09:04:00.000-07:00

I never know whether to do a holiday cartoon dedicated srtictly to the holiday, or to try and mix the office perspective. Sometimes I do one, sometimes the other.

I was working on the fowl mouth thing a few weeks back and decided it would work for Mother's Day. My mother thought it was a funny approach so I went ahead and developed it.

I have found that when language gets fowl (I know; "foul" is correct spelling here, but "fowl" at Work R Fun has special meaning.) it is best not to complain. However, a few choice complements about a person's vocabulary always get the language to tone down.

I have used a few, like:

"Your mother would be proud of your extensive vocabulary."

"Were you a sailor in your former life?" "No, why?" "You have a sailor's knack with words."

"Could you teach me how to talk so effectively?"

"If you talk like that when the boss comes by I'm sure she'll be impressed."

Toads mostly just use ribets! But ribets are not fowl or foul.

Hooray!!!!!!

See Toady's contribution to Mother's Day 2006 at Mother's Day Cartoon

Babysitting Your Boss

2006-04-12T07:51:00.000-07:00

One of the engineers, Deano, was very frustrated: "All I do is follow my boss around and clean up his mistakes! Babysitting is not part of my job description!"

It was about 4:00 in the afternoon and my sweetheart called to see if I would stop at the store on the way home. "Please pick up some diapers and wipes for the baby," she said.

So I asked Deano if he would like me to pick some up for his boss. He was delighted.

See the cartoon version at
Babysitting The Boss Cartoon

One Face To The Customer?

2006-04-04T08:15:00.000-07:00

Yes, we actually paid some bright bureaucrat at corporate headquarters to put together a whole class on "One Face To The Customer." At least it was interesting and well presented.

We wondered about educating 500 people for 4 hours each on a concept that seemed rather straight forward, but training folk need jobs too. If the cost was 50$ per hour or $200 each, that's only $100K. Now if you consider the plant produced $1M per day and we took out 1/2 day of productivity it gets a little more expensive, but a little extra work will make up for that, and management doesn't have to sweat our extra hours.

So enough rambling...

When we were discussing the course among ourselves I asked Twinkles what the customer might think if their "one face" was that of our boss. He agreed that might be a problem, but said it would depend on which of his many faces they saw. Slider was there and he pulled the ugliest face he could make (pretty ugly) and said he likes to keep his "one face" face for the boss. I told him it was better than what the customer usually sees when they face our birds.

Sad but true...

See the cartoon at: One Face To Customer Cartoon

Is your bonus like a cartoon?

2006-04-03T08:37:00.000-07:00

Yep, These cartoons are both based on reality. The Swell Company, about 50 miles up the road and a recent raider of some of our good employees, announced their bonus. It ammounted to several thousand dollars and a free computer to most of their employees. Boy were we jealous of everyone who had left us. Then one our customers announced a layoff. We knew they were in trouble so that wasn't a surprise. It didn't really make anyone feel better.

Now there were a number of years that our big birds tried to make the bonus based on some kind of performance. I should say that they always had that stated target. But everyone knew that the objectives were somewhat subjective and if there wasn't enough flexibility in the goals there certainly was in the financial measuring process. And everyone knows that 2+2=5 if the corporate bean counters say so.

So, one year we knew that the performance to goal was incredible, and figured that the bonus would be great. But itwas late. Now why would the bonus be late when it was so obviously good? If it were a bad year and they were just trying to come up with some more mone for the bonus, that we could understand. But in a good year?

The bonus was 6 weeks late and it was good, but did not meet expectations. There were several bad business to write off and so several million dollars hit the bottom line and had a severe impact on bottom line profits.

Oh, you guessed it, executive bonus formulations did not include business write-offs. The birds were flying high! We knew where our extra bonus went!

In this case, 2+2=3 AAARRRRRGGGGGGHHHHHH!

Toady's Work R Fun Bonus Cartoon

The Cartoon of the Smoking Break Parrot

2006-03-29T07:24:00.000-08:00

It really happened...

One day at smoking break, (no I, Toady was not out there) a lost soul (our "friend" Slider) was grieving for his poor, departed parrot. It seems that the parrot had died just a few days before and Slider was very sad. This was outside at some picnic tables which had been set up as a smoking area for those who insist on wasting everyone's time in such activities.

So, as Slider sat there blowing smoke and gossiping with his smoking cronies, a parrot flew up. It appeared to be a friendly parrot and Slider coaxed it onto his hand. He was so excited; it was like this parrot knew he was grieving and came to calm his broken heart. He posted signs and called the radio station, but no one ever claimed the parrot so he kept it.

Several of us were talking when Slider came in to tell us his great story. We were all incredulous at his good fortune. As soon as he left we stood looking at each other. Then someone had a parting quip: "Poor parrot, it will most likely die too." Everyone rolled on the floor with laughter.

We never heard of the parrot again. I assume it is in parrot heaven by now, unless it developed a smoking habit, in which case it is in smoker's heaven.

See the toon at: Smoking Parrot Cartoon

I Work For A PEST!!!!

2006-03-24T09:26:00.000-08:00

It was a stupid, insignificant report. I don't know why they wanted it since no one looked at it. My cube mate was bugging me for my input. It would only take 5 minutes to get it for him, but I kept repressing the need to do so, since it was such a waste of time anyway.

So today, he says, "Toady, when are you going to get me that information?"

"Twinkles," I say, "Why do you keep bugging me about this rediculous garbage?"

He answered: "I'm sorry to be such a pest, BUT I WORK FOR ONE AND I CAN'T GET HIM OFF MY BACK UNTIL YOU GIVE ME THIS STUPID PIECE OF INFORMATION!"

I gave him the info.

It wasn't funny at the time, but we had a good laugh over lunch.

See the 'toon at:
Work For A Pest; AAARRRRRGGGGHHHH!!!

Pay Attention or Pay the Consequences

2006-03-20T08:06:00.000-08:00

It was a good day, in a good week, until my dear mis-guided boss came in with a project he said would be perfect for me. We were ready to buy a new design from a new supplier. All I had to do was get engineering to sign off on some specs and order the parts.

It wasn't 5 minutes before the phone rang. Engineering wanted samples. I thought they had samples; "yes, but that so-and-so who was my boss knew a week ago they were bad and hadn't ordered any more." Now they had a deadline with the customer and the product wasn't ready to approve and if I didn't get them some parts the Sr. V.P. was going to shoot all of us. (Why me?)

The supplier feigned complete ignorance but managed to pull the proverbial rabbit out of their hat and after a significant amount of cursing, head knocking and grumbling we got the product approved only a few days late.

I went in to see my boss but couldn't talk to him. He was on the phone discussing his hunting lease. I know where his attention was focused. But I pay the consequences. AAAARRRRRRRGGGGGHHHHHHH!

To make matters worse, he took the VP hunting and still got his next promotion. (At least he was no longer my boss!)

Check out how I felt about it at Pay Attention or Pay the Consequences

Sheltered Shop Out-Performs The Birds

2006-03-07T08:07:00.000-08:00

You can guess where this came from. We ordered some silk-screened t-shirts from a local (handicapped) sheltered workshop. The came back ahead of schedule and were perfect. Someone comented that we got better work out of them than we did out of management. Someone else pitched in with a why, and I was writing.

Future 'toons will be related to a local prison workshop and the chain gang labor which also worked pretty well.

Click here to see
Toady's cartoon about Sheltered Shops.

I Know Why I'm Having A Bad Day

2006-03-06T09:49:00.000-08:00

This was a favorite line in one of the departments I worked in. Whenever someone was having a bad day, we told the victim he or she should have gone to church on Sunday.

Likewise, if something good happened we told the lucky party
it was a good thing they went, or if there was potential for a disaster we said we hoped they went.

It was always good for a chuckle in a tense moment.

I don't know where this originated, since they were doing it before I got to the department, but I give credit to one of my friends there. She said it before I did but we all used it sometimes. We had a lot of tense moments, but there was usually some fun to be had since the "root cause" was ALWAYS someone else. Little quips like: I hope you went to church on Sunday" helped keep things in perspective.
I should note that we rarely knew, or cared, who went to church on any given Sunday. It was not a religious statement, but thought of concern for a friend in a tight situation, and a subtle acknowledgement that with the right help we could always pull out a miracle for our crazy customers.

Repentance on a Bad Day Cartoon showing Toady under his problem bricks.

When A Raise Is A Wedgie

2006-02-01T07:14:00.000-08:00

These cartoons came from a variety of places. There have been too many times management didn't give out raises because budgets were just too tight. We grumbled a bit but didn't say too much, except for the times they got bonuses anyway. That stunk.

But one time we got a nice letter saying how bad things were and how sorry management felt that we weren't getting raises. I made a note but couldn't figure out how to put it into a cartoon. Then I visited a small town where they had a big rodeo. I was listening to some of the cowboys who ran the rodeo talk about it the next morning. One of the bull-riders had been hurt when he fell off, but had drug himself to the side and sat there for quite a while before anyone noticed him. They said they felt really bad, and then someone popped up: "but not as bad as the cowboy."

I connected it with how management felt about our raises being cancelled and out popped this comic strip.

The next toon is with Slider getting his raise. It was pitifully small. In reality, most people got a "token" raise. We all felt rather forked over by management. Then when the executives got their bonuses we felt even worse. When doing the cartoon I went from "raise" to "raisin'", which is a kind of wedgie. Thats how we felt.

AAAGGGGGGGGGHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!

When Your Raise Is A Wedgie

Open Mouth - Insert Foot - Don't Bite!

2006-02-01T07:03:00.000-08:00

Well, everyone knows someone who puts their foot in their mouth occasionally. None of us do it ourselves (of course!)

Actually, it was my dear sister-in-law describing a certain person she knows who makes a habit of contradicting himself. On this occasion he did it worse than usual and came away with a ton of verguenza (embarassment). She said he bit his foot clear off.

It hurts!

Ribet.

Check it out at Foot In Mouth Cartoon

Rotten Cookie

2006-02-01T06:49:00.000-08:00

I suppose I am the only one who ever has this problem. My computer hates me, and it does this...

I was logging in to a financial site and couldn't get in. I had been in a few days earlier and knew my passwords were right, so I called the company. They told me to clean out my cookies and internet history and it would probably work. There had been a change to their site. They said my computer had saved the cookie from the last log-in and wouldn't let the new site up.

I deleted my cookies and history and everything worked.

So, I decided I'd had a rotten cookie!

A RIBET for that one...

Check it out at Rotten Cookie Computer humor
let the new site up.

Decisions, Decisions, Decisions

2006-01-16T06:30:00.000-08:00

It doesn't matter what the decision is, we just need to know!!!

It happens all the time. Gully is such a fud. He couldn't make a decision if his life depended on it! If he had a brain he'd take it out and kick it! (but he doesn't)

The current problem is that we need to decide whether to use supplier A or B for this particular little electronic chip. Each supplier has it's advantages; some people like one and some the other. But it doesn't really matter. What matters is that we get parts ordered in time for production. Gully won't get blamed if we are late, we will, and he is sitting on a decision.

There are several theories about why. It may be that he hopes one of the suppliers will take him golfing. It may be that he likes one better but is afraid some big bird out in production likes a different one. It may be that his girlfriend is trying to get set up as a supplier's rep for one of them. (Dumb theory; Gully never had a girlfriend that smart!) Probably it's just that he cant make decisions and avoids them like the plague!

It wouldn't be so bad if this were the only time it has occured. No, it's about everything. First he can't decide whether to have a weekly staff infection; then he can't decide on any agenda; then he can't decide if he wants to hold it or cancel it, since he doesn't have anything useful to say. But it is good to say to your bird that you communicate regularly so we keep trying to have it.

AAAAAHHHHHHHGGGGGGHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!!!!

Cartoon: No Decision from Dopey de Gull

Ode To A Toad, from Square Toed Shoes

2006-01-10T10:00:00.000-08:00

Darling Toad...

Oh darling toad of the slimy skin

Could there be more to you within?

I’d like to believe you are a prince

But that fairytale died for me long since!

Oh darling toad all covered in warts

Could you be a prince of sorts?

I can’t imagine you on a shining steed

But to believe in you I feel a need!

If I should deign to give you a kiss

Would I get warts upon my lips?

Could a slime like you make my heart sing?

If I’m to find out I must do this thing!

*Mwah* There! The deed is done!

Damn! I knew you wouldn’t be one!!!

Author: Andrea Da Costa - Poetry Site

From Ode To A Toad Collection at Square Toed.com Uniting all the toads of the world, one amphibian at a time. The site has an Ode to a Toad section, toad links, toad products, toad collectibles, and square toed shoes (a play on words that started the site).

The Dartboard Of Customer Opinion

2006-01-10T09:52:00.000-08:00

We have one customer from the dark side. Every time we take them to dinner on the River Walk I try to get them to sit under a tree full of pigeons, but they haven't been birdied yet.

One day as I was listening to their whines on the phone I started feeling like they just liked to throw darts at me because I was a defenseless target. I had this image in my mind.

Only thing is, I wanted to put a dart IN me somewhere. Couldn't figure out how to make that funny. It would just hurt, like reality.

Check it out at Dartboard of Customer Opinion Cartoon

Boss Takes A Big Bite Out Of My (Hide)!

2006-01-10T09:36:00.000-08:00

This happened a long time ago, I wrestled with how to make it funny. Based on feedback it is one of the better 'toons.

There was one manager (Tom) who always seemed to be eating something or sucking on something when you got him on the phone. It was a bit of a gossip subject for break: "I wonder what he was sucking on today?" Or: "He must have been eating a sour pickle today; bad mood!"

Then one day Twinkles was mentioning how Tom must have gotten a rock in his cookie this morning. Slider said: "No, worse than that, he got a piece of my tail." I said: "No wonder he was feeling nasty; your backside probably tastes really bad." Everyone laughed but poor Slider.

Take a look at Big Bite From My Tail

Christmas Party Dies When the Boss Arrives

2005-12-19T07:46:00.000-08:00

Christmas parties are the strangest things. After all, who wants to party with their boss. What if your boss is of the opposite sex?

What if you are both married, or only one of you is,
or what if you are both single?

What if you have too much to drink and say something which might be held against you?

Who wants to party with people they spend the whole day with every day?

Or if it's a company wide party, why would you party with people you don't even know?

If your spouse is having a party the same time, whose party do you go to?

I haven't figured out how to make this stuff funny yet, but I'm working on it.

I do remember a couple of very fun Christmas parties. The one where the director's secretary kissed me good night. I was single, her hubby gave up on her long before, and she
had had too many drinks.

Then there were the white-elephant exchanges where the boss got a cow-pie clock. Another time I played carols on the piano and everyone sang. And many more, good and not-so-good.

I'm glad I don't have one this year!

Merry Christmas to You.

Toady

See the Cartoons at Christmas Party Humor Cartoon

Bursting the Bubble of A Dumb Boss

2005-12-13T09:47:00.000-08:00

It never ceases to amaze me…

Two Cartoons here:
The first is about BURSTING A BUBBLE on a couple of dumb bosses.
A co-worker, Mary, was working on some big paper project for her boss. It wasn't going well because her boss wasn't holding up his end. I went to a meeting with this particular boss person and he mentioned the project and how well it was going. He said: "We are just on the bubble of success."

I told Mary what he said and she got this crooked little smile: "I'm going to burst his bubble."

She told him what was going on and he refused to acknowledge there were any problems.

A few days later someone came down from corporate HQ, a bigger bird than Mary's bird. He was talking to her boss about this project. Her boss was grandstanding as usual and called for Mary to bring in the project. Mary couldn't believe it, but she took it in. Then she had to defended herself from his accusations but was cut off from the big boss. Her boss got reamed up one side and down the other. The feathers flew!

Translating reality into a comic strip is an interesting challenge so I did this one with two dumb boss cartoons: BUSRTING THEIR BUBBLE, and FEATHERS WILL FLY.

See the Cartoons at

Charts Make Great Cartoons

2005-12-05T08:51:00.000-08:00

We have meetings every week to review everyone's charts and make sure management knows who is in trouble. It's called THE MEETIN' FOR A BEATIN'.

The trick is to make your charts look like you are doing something, but not like you are having enough problems to get in trouble over. Of course, if you have a problem make sure your boss knows it so he/she isn't quizzing you about your charts in front of everyone else. It's pretty sad when your own boss rips you in a meeting. (Ah, time to get a new boss???)

I'm always amazed at how some people's charts always look like they are doing well, even when the scuttlebut is that they are in trouble.

There are many tricks to the trade:
1. Only count the problems/defects that help you look better.
2. Spread your defects so none stick out.
3. If you have a problem, make it the only problem and show progress.
4. If you are in trouble, make sure you are the last presenter; so the bosses are ready to quit.
5. Change what you are tracking so the real problem is re-classified.
6. Save some defects until the beginning of the month. The beginning is bad, the end is an improvement.
7. Always change jobs when your charts are looking good.

There are those who just have a knack for making their charts look good. When they become birds is when you really start having chart fests. Sometimes they use charts to increase competency, usually it is just a show to make everyone think they are good at something.

Statistics never lie, they just say what you make them say.

See Five Chart Cartoons from Toady

Debbie Demuck, Corporate Duck

2005-11-15T08:15:00.000-08:00

Don't you hate it when some know-it-all shows up and acts like the local folks are all dim-wits.

Well, this was one of THOSE times. A hot-shot from HQ decided to show up and make us use a component we knew wouldn't work. After we stonewalled him he changed his mind and decided we had the better approach. He returned to Corporate with his tail between his legs and was much nicer the next time he came to visit.

From this came Debbie Demuck, the Corporate Cuck. Three great 'toons for anyone who laughs when they hear: "We're from Corporate, we're here to help."

see these toons at Corporate Cartoon about Debbie Demuck

HALLOWEEN CARTOON - OFFICE WITCH FROM CORPORATE

2005-10-31T12:15:00.000-08:00

It was Halloween, October 31st, 2003. Mary was dressed as a witch. Billy was a dashing pirate with his black mustache and wavy Rhett Butler hair style.

I had put out my head collection for the occasion. A very real looking shrunken head from the Jiveros of Ecuador, a carved wooden skull which I told everyone was my first boss at Corporate, and a tiny miniature toilet. Everyone was impressed with the comode.

Then we got called in to a surprise meeting with someone down from Division HQ.
It was a petite little blonde in a black mini-skirt with a gold chain around her waist. We'd heard of her because whe was well connected. Her father was a VP at one of our customers and played golf with some of our big birds. She had living arrangements with her boss and had been promoted regularly.

She started out with a sweet and demeaning tone in telling us of a new proceedure we were to institute which we all thought stunk. We had to send her copies of certain types of transactions which she had to approve before we could finalize them. Joey started giving her a hard time about it; Billy told her it was not possible and I agreed with him. Then our own Gully Boss came in and said we were going to do it regardless. We saluted and stomped out.

After that she was only known as "The Witch", though Billy usually replaced the"W" with a capital "B".

We snowed her in paperwork for the first week and then conveniently forgot about it. She never gave us feedback on the first week's stuff and the subject didn't come up again.

Oh, Billy let slip a few snide remarks about her legs to one of the female visitors from Division (something about mockingbirds) and the next time we saw her she was dressed like a Pilgrim. She transferred to Corporate PR a few months later. She can pass out her poisoned apples there.

See the cartoon at HALLOWEEN CARTOON - CORPORATE WITCH

Anger Management - BUT IT'S MANAGEMENT MAKES ME ANGRY!

2005-10-24T06:51:00.000-07:00

Everybody knows at least one "Slider"; you know, someone who is always chewing people out or that person you avoid because you can never please them. The way this came about was my friend Twinkles went down to accounting to get payment for someone who deserved it. He forgot to "cross one t" and got chewed on for it. Aparently the clerk who had to sign was having a bad day and was ripping on someone else while Twinkles was there. When he came by my office he said: "We need to get that so-and-so signed up for anger management classes."

I chuckled and made a note. It evolved into what you see.

See what Toady says about anger management I Manage My Anger AT Management

Toady Rocks!

Night Shift = Toothpicks

2005-10-17T07:53:00.000-07:00

"I was so tired I had to pry my eyes open with toothpicks!"
That was a quote from my sweetheart. She is an RN and worked for years doing
the 7 p.m. to 7 a.m. shift tending intensive care premature babies. I thought it was a
rather graphic way to describe how it gets sometimes when someone is sleepy and can't go to sleep.

When we were dating, 1000 miles long distance and in different time zones,
I used to call her at 4 a.m. her time. She was always pretty perky then, though her
cohorts in the ICU wondered about a fiance who could be perky at that hour.

My experience is that most people doing night shifts figure out how to live with it, but every onece in a while, most people feel like they could use some toothpicks.

See how Toady does it at Night Shift = Toothpicks

Toady Rocks!

Funny Cartoon About The Customer Abuse Zone

2005-10-14T09:40:00.000-07:00

RRRRRRAAAAGGGGGGGGHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!!!!
It makes me so mad. We bought this new plug-in system that was supposed to
walk and talk and chew gum and solve all of our problems. I plug mine in and it powers up beautifully, but after that it doesn't do what it's supposed to.

So I call the 800 (toll-free-abuse) hotline number and talk to a "customer service" rep. I describe my problem and then get put on hold, and their music was too loud so I couldn't concentrate on anything else, and I was on hold forever. Finally someone comes on the line and appologizes for the last woman I talked to. I describe the problem again and this guy starts asking me questions. He never answers mine. I finally decide he doesn't know the answer.

He asks me if I have re-booted. I ask him if he thinks I am stupid. There is a long silence. Apparently he does. He makes a few suggestions and I hang up to see if they work.

They don’t! In this case we sent the whole system back. They gave us extensive
grief but never could prove that it did what we wanted.

And so I started the Customer Abuse Zone. We'll see if anyone wants to help.

Click here to see Funny Cartoon about customer abuse.

Toady Rocks!

Brains are Great Food For Funny Office Cartoons

2005-10-13T12:11:00.000-07:00

How do you like your brains?

Well, inside my head? Or, Any way but fried; Or, at 100% efficiency.

Some days I just wish I had a brain. Other days I wish they would let me use it.

This page has four cartoons about brains. One reflects a frequent story around here about a vendor that has promised us parts but they are late, and come to find out they don't really know where the parts are. It all happened again just a few days back, and a little packag came in, instead of the truck load we had expected. I said: "You could say they sent us their brains, since they would fit in a very small package." To which Twinkles retorted, "But if they did they'd be fried."

The next one shows one our favorite sayings about mental blocks. Depending on who has one, we always say that it is a small mental block. Then some unknowing soul asks: "How do you know it is a small mental block?" Everyone laughs when the answer is given: "Because he has such a small mind."

Then there is the classic brain problem that you come up with a hot idea and run to tell someone. They are unimpressed, or uninterested, or unintelligent, since your ideas are obviously good. This cartoon is a graphic representation of what happens when you take your hot idea to someone.

Life Hurts!

Click here to see Funny Cartoons - If I Only Had A Brain

Toady Rocks!

Management By FLYING Around - MBWA for Birds?

2005-10-12T09:38:00.000-07:00

Yes, I know, Management by Walking Around is way old, and everyone assumes that enlightened managers (Birds are lightened, right. They fly, that's light.) already know and practice it. But did you know that there are still people paying to hear about MBWA and there are still tons of birds who do not get out of their offices to find out what is really going on.

We get really excited when a bird walks through our sea of cells, but they don't do it very often. Sometimes they walk through production, where the real toads live, but even then it is an exceptional bird that flys around very much. They are mostly glued to their computers, and when they fly around it is dangerous because they know so little about what's really going on they mess things up.

This 'toon became our icon back when we were doing normal sized 'toons. It kind of shows what Stars 'n Toads is all about in one quick 'toon.

Click here to see MBWA - Management by FLYING Around

Toady Rocks!

Salesman, Go Do Your Real Job

2005-10-11T12:51:00.000-07:00

Sometimes you get real sick of a peddler, (you may call it a salesman.)
This guy was bad because he was well connected with some of our birds and they
kind of expected us to buy from him and he (more than kind of) expected an order from purchasing. Engineering was holding things up because test samples did not
meet our requirements. Of course, he had every reason in the book to prove that
his samples were perfect and our engineers were somehow not with it. But he was all wet, so to speak.

Well, Liz got stuck talking to him on the phone. The guy would not go
away. He didn't exactly say: "Give me an order," but he made it all clear that he
was expecting to do business with us. So, Liz finally got terse with him and
asked him if he didn't have a real job to go to. "Whats my real job?" he asked.
"Lying to customers," Liz told him. There was a long, long silence, then a click.

Yes, management asked what was going on and Liz gave them a terse verse too.
She does have it in her when she gets riled. We never did do business with those
twits. One of the big birds in engineering was bigger than the connected bird in purchasing. Sometimes the bureau-crazy works in spite of its self.

Click here to see Salesman Have A Real Job

Toady Rocks!

Vendors ARE Defects

2005-10-11T12:46:00.000-07:00

It always makes me sooooo Ribeting mad. Why are some companies always shipping junk.
With some suppliers we have a "defect of the week" recognition. You can always be
sure that they will attempt to shut down production for some unforseen reason.
It's always too big or too small, too late or too few, unapproved or out-of-date.
How can they make any money when all they ship are ribets!

There is one supplier we call Black Hole, because nothing good seems to come out of
their place. But the last straw was one day they sent Felina a virus in an attachment. The bells went off back in IT and her computer shut down. It was just par for the course.

Speaking of which, their big birds were on the golf course with some of our little birds and we (unknowingly) called in the report in the middle of the 8th hole. I think their drinks were a little strong that day. They needed an excuse for a headache next morning.

Boy, will we ever have them for lunch! Yech!!!!!!!

Click here to see Vendor is a Black Hole!

Toady Rocks!

Toady IS Lunch

2005-10-10T06:59:00.000-07:00

Being "eaten for lunch" is what we call it when someone is coming in to chew on us.

Now, it isn't our fault the customer is in trouble. If they would let us design the product with our own great engineering team it would be perfect. But no, they insist on designing it themselves with their own band of nit-wits and when it doesn't work they blame us.

Yes, the "customer always knows best," so we tiptoe around when we are with them, but SINCE I'M A MERE TOAD, I DON'T HAVE TO TAKE THEIR GUFF, and somewhere deep down inside I am resolved to make them sorry they are going to pick on me!

I never liked having to tiptoe while I ate lunch, and customers always make us buy, so the best you get out of lunch with them is a sour stomach.

BUT THIS TIME, THEY HOSED UP THE PROJECT AND IF THEY TRY TO CHEW MY (minimal) TAIL THEY'LL WISH THEY HAD EATEN CROW INSTEAD OF TOAD!!!

RRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRibet!

Click here to see Toady IS Lunch

Toady Rocks!

Brain Is Wired - Computer Whiz Humor

2005-10-10T06:56:00.000-07:00

THEME: POSITIVE FUN ABOUT PEOPLE WHO ARE GOOD AT COMPUTERS

From a comment in January 3 of 2001. I don't remember what was said precisely but one of our fine engineers was such a brain at his computers, (he required at least 4 at once to be happy) that someone commented his brain was wired to his computer.

I made the whiz a female for the comic strip just because we had too many M types around and needed a W. (Too many M's are boring)

To give her a name: Giga Bytes, was a last minute thing. Then it rhymed with lights and I always like rhymes.

Click here to see Ms. Giga

Toady Rocks!

The Trainer is a TREE!

2005-10-10T06:53:00.000-07:00

This cartoon is for everyone who ever had to sit through a boring class. After all, I could be bored just sitting in front of my computer, and less bored getting that project out for the boss who will just sit on it for 3 weeks before he gives it back to me to revise based on different parameters!

Well, bored is bored, BUT TRAINERS AREN'T SUPPOSED TO BE TREES!

This comic strip is based on a class I took at Mother Mo about 20 years ago. It was in the fancy training room at Corporate Headquarters. It was oriented towards making us more sensitive to perspectives of people who were not like us and this was a pilot class.

One of the exercises was to describe ourselves as how others perceived us. Later we were supposed to compare our own description to the reality of other people in the room. The class was mostly HR professionals and managers, some of them at director levels and possibly a couple of VP's.

The instructor was this 35 year old "professional instructor" who was hired from outside the company so she would not be pre-disposed in teaching the class. She had straight grey/black hair, was very much on the skinny side and her clothing was frumpy and colorless.

The pilot was a bomb and we didn't hear of it again, but I never forgot how she led us into this exercise. She said that SHE HAD ONCE BEEN DESCRIBED AS A TREE TRUNK. Everyone in the room had to bite their lip to keep from laughing. It was a perfect description.

Now, every time I sit through a boring class I think of that TREE PERSON, as we called her later. She wasn't un-attractive, just very boring and her class was boring and her presentation was boring. Well, that is too much for one single blog. Here is the address for the training cartoon training cartoon, trainer comic

Oh, we never heard of the trainer again. Its possible she went to charm school and we didn't recognize her in her next life. (That's putting an impossibly good spin on a tree.)

Its funny I don't remember all the neat and well presented classes or their trainers and only write cartoons about the tree person.

Toady Rocks in Great Office Humor Comic Strip

2005-10-10T06:32:00.000-07:00

You must see the great office humor comic strip: Stars 'n Toads, life at WorkRFun,

where Toady Rocks to the 'toons of low flying seagulls and ditz headed co-workers

Brains
New Computer

Taking Lessons In Theory Z

2005-10-06T21:07:00.000-07:00

Click here to see the inspirational cartoon: Theory Z In Action

A friend called me a few days ago and told me this story. He claims it is true, though it is not necessarily about him. His computer screen is visible when someone walks into the office and he has been keeping the latest Stars 'n Toads on his screen saver. Fellow employees frequently get a chuckle from the cartoons.

He said: I had been working early and late, and helping out in a neighboring region when I got back to the office early one afternoon. I was pretty frazzed, and sat down in a high-backed chair. I leaned back and kicked my feet up on the desk and without even thinking "Z", was out. My head was back and my mouth opened when the secretary walked in. She saw my profile with the cartoon about Theory Z on the screen and started laughing her head off. I promptly woke up. She explained that she knew I was a fan of that Toad, but didn't realize he had so much influence.

So much for a few Z's!"

Making money for the boss should allow you to rest once in a while!

Purple Cows and Toads???

2005-10-06T20:46:00.000-07:00

You can view this great cartoon at TOADY'S PURPLE COW CARTOON site.

I like Mother Goose. Her little poems are neat because they are simple yet versatile. They don't have to have any meaning whatsoever, but you can use them to illustrate any point you wish.

Have you ever been present when a boss just plain lost it? I mean, really blew up. I was in the office with Big Bird one day when he got purple. I mean a downright, livid bright, scammin' bammin' purple! Who'd a thought someone making that much money had it in them?

We were on a conference call with a chip supplier who didn't know the "C" word. (That means "commitment" for those who have feathers in their brains.) These guys just didn't seem to care about us and Big Bird lost it. He screamed at them. He insisted they come in and show a better schedule. He told them he would charge them $25,000 for every shipment we were late on because of their "stupid chip." He told them he was coming to see them. It was all in vos alto: downright, livid bright, scammin' bammin' screamin'. I wanted to hide under the chairs!

The poor telephone nearly cracked when he hit the off button. Then he appologized and said he did it for effect. I got out of there as soon as I could and had a hearty laugh with everyone who couldn't help but hear through the walls of his office. (Only about 40 toads.)

So, what happened to the chips? Well, about the time the poor supplier got us out of tight deliveries our customer had a significant schedule reduction and then we had those stupid chips running out our ears. Now they wanted to charge us for not taking what we ordered. I threatened them with another phone call from Big Bird and they sold them to someone else.

I could tell some other Purple Gull Cow stories, but none are quite so dramatic. Check out the 'toon at TOADY'S PURPLE COW CARTOON site.
If you know any purple gulls, send them a subtle copy.
See more Stars 'n Toads 'toons at TOADY'S OFFICE HUMOR COMIC STRIP.

Boss Out Of Gas Increases Office Productivity

2005-10-06T20:44:00.000-07:00

You can view this great cartoon at TOADY'S OFFICE PRODUCTIVITY CARTOON site.

Here's how this cartoon came to be...

You see, one day as I pulled out onto the freeway my little gas efficient toad-mobile, I was nearly run off the road by a big new gas-guzzling suburban type tank. He zoomed on up the hill and I edged into traffic. Pretty normal stuff for a little toad.

I was enjoying some nice tunes while I thought up some nice 'toons when I noticed that same big tank car stopped at the side of the road in front of me. The rear door was open and a big turkey had a gas can in his hand. Then I recognized the driver: My boss's boss's boss from work. I thought about stopping but I was in the wrong lane and couldn't hardly get over in time without causing an accident. Besides, there was a gas station about 2 miles away and he could probably use the exercise. Besides, it served him right for being such a jerk! Besides, I was laughing so hard I couldn't possibly have stopped for anything.

He looked so upset. I think there was a VP sitting in his office when he arrived. All of us Toads and Stars had quite a good joke over it. It couldn't have happened to a more deserving bird! I tried for months to put it into a 'toon without looking mean and decided the office productivity approach would be funniest. I am really a very nice toad, but it just wasn't possible to manage up on a day like that.

Dog Calendars Not For Dogs

2005-10-06T13:10:00.000-07:00

DOG CALENDARS ARE NOT FOR THE DOGS
But they come in such a variety of brilliant colors and sizes that they will add a touch of "friendly" to any home or office.

You can get a calendar with 12 months of your personal favorite breed; or, you can give a special gift to someone who favors a specific canine. Life doesn't have to be mundane. You can add color and charm with any one of hundreds of special calendars. I found calendars for sale everywhere. They are absolutely cheap in many major discount stores, but variety is usually limited and you have to be lucky to find the precise breed of dog you are looking for. Book Stores carry a little better variety but their prices are quite a bit more. The best place to really get what you want is to go on the internet to You will find your best selection of canine calendars through your
Calendar Home on the Web,

Toady Rocks Office Humor Comic Strip

2005-10-06T13:01:00.000-07:00

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